March Madness and Blessings

Time keeps flying by!  Christian has already gone and returned from Cape Town again!  He received some compensation for leading staff and students on a short term vision trip, and was blessed in every way upon his return to South Africa.  The flight hasn't gotten any shorter, but absence has made his heart grow even fonder.  Christian was encouraged as he sat with the student men he discipled in Cape Town, and heard they are walking with the Lord and sharing the gospel with others.  He was blessed by so many reunions...our church small group, the orphanage, all of our friends, Lily's school friend (Therese), and even random waiters and store clerks that recognized he'd been gone for awhile!  The many ways the Lord provided and blessed our year in Cape Town were magnified again, and he said he just kept praising God at every turn.  What a gift.
The two weeks that Christian was away felt long, but God sustained us!  For spring break the girls and I went to Estes Park with my Mom and younger sister (Jocelyn) for a few nights.  It was a special and fun time away with them!  And then we went from Estes back to Goodland, Kansas (my hometown) where my older sister (Cortney) and her family joined us for the rest of the week.  The girls were so excited to spend time with their cousins!  We celebrated my Mom's 65th birthday, and had some March madness of our own, as Goodland got 15 inches of snow the day we were all supposed to leave!  It was a beautiful snow, but it messed up our travel plans!:)  Christian got in Sunday at 2am, and we made it home Sunday afternoon.  It gave him time to sleep anyway.
Another highlight that happened before spring break, was that Lily had her first ever soccer practice.  If I would have blogged before she had practice, it would have been a prayer request!  I never had the opportunity to play soccer growing up, so I had to ask friends for help on soccer gear.  It's quite an investment for a sport that Lily was...let's just say NOT excited to try.  She usually gets scared in new situations and worried about trying new things, so we've really been praying about it and encouraging her to try.  Skiing was a huge confidence builder in this area, as she wanted to give up after the morning, but ended up enjoying the afternoon and now can't wait to go again! (next year:)).  I've been nervous about if she would even participate at all this season of soccer.  And here she had her first practice (first step of faith) while Christian was gone!  The day of practice I had her try on her shin guards and cleats and we practiced in the back yard.  She can really kick!  She decided to keep them on until practice.  When we pulled up to the park for practice she got scared.  I told her all she had to do was kick the ball and say hi when spoken to.  She knew how to do those two things.  After the parent meeting, they were starting with some ball drills.  She wanted to sit out and watch, which was fine.  I told her to just engage with the introductions first.  So she did!  And then she did the next thing.  And the next drill.  And before I knew it, she had a red jersey on and was scrimmaging!  And then she ran to  the middle of the pack and kicked the ball!!  And after practice she ran to me and jumped in my arms and said "I did it, Mommy!  And I like it!!"  I swung her around and told her how proud I am of her and what a great job she did.  I don't know who was more excited, me or Lily...but it was a huge answer to prayer and relief!  She keeps asking when her next practice is and is already wanting to enroll for next year!  I've just seen her confidence grow in trying new things over the past month.  Skiing, swimming lessons, and soccer.  Yesterday she started going to school for the full day instead of half without a freak out moment!  And last night she asked if she could try my red onion!  It makes my heart so full of joy to see her live more out of freedom and confidence than paralyzed by fear.  Praise God!

February Hearts

It's February!  February is not only full of hearts, but also birthdays and celebrations!  Both of Christian's parents and Anya celebrate their birthdays, Grandpa and Grandma Stricker have their anniversary, and my grandparents would have celebrated their anniversary as well.  I've always enjoyed Valentine's Day as well...love and gifts speak my language!:)
Anya will be turning 4 on President's Day (the 18th)!  She requested a "heart" birthday (ok, maybe she went with my suggestion), as I have so much fun in the clearance section after Valentine's day! It's hard to believe she is already 4!  She is still our sweet little comedian!  She makes me smile with her smile and funny comments daily!
We've been getting more into a routine and into the swing of things.  We've been able to avoid the flu...until yesterday!  Lily is down with a fever, runny nose and cough, and actually fainted today in the bathroom.  She was light headed all day, poor thing!  Praying in faith for a quick recovery (and protection for the rest of us!), but know that this virus has taken everyone 5 or more days to get over! Lily said "You know what I think it is, Mom?...Everyone has to get it."  I hope not!
I had a great conference with Lily's kindergarten teacher today.   Good report on all accounts!  She seems to be enjoying school, and is learning a lot!  We'll be enrolling Anya in preschool this week for next year.  She is SUPER excited to finally get to go to school!
Other highlights of the month have been Christian taking each of the girls to the Father/daughter dance...they each reacted very differently!  Lily was a little overwhelmed and didn't feel comfortable dancing, whereas Anya danced the whole time!  It was a special date each in their own way.
We've enjoyed having a yard and a grill, biking as a family to the park nearby, and getting up into the mountains again (Estes, snow, sledding, and celebrating Paul's birthday).
It's been a fun month of connecting with old friends, and making some new ones.  Still so many of you to reconnect with!  We're getting there!:)  Happy Valentine's Day!

Irreplaceable

One of my most cherished material possessions broke on Saturday.  It was a lamp.  Strange, I know...how can a lamp be so meaningful?  It was a mosaic "Tiffany" type lamp that Christian and I bought at a little antique boutique on our honeymoon...our first "big" purchase together.  In my mind I thought it would last forever.  That it would be handed down for generations.  A lamp.  The dream lasted for 10 years...and then it happened.  I heard the crash from our bedroom down the hall.  Silence.  Then as I ran into the living room I saw Lily and Anya (scared and crying), and the glass mosaic lampshade shattered on the floor.  I cried.  I saw that the girls were ok, and then I sobbed.  I shook my head and cried out that it is "irreplaceable".   Lily came over and hugged me and held me and said "I'm so sorry, Mom".  Then she went into the office and made a "book" for me out of paper on which she drew flowers on the front, lines to write on in the middle, and a picture of my lamp on the back.  Warms my heart:)  As it turns out, Anya was reaching for one of her magnetic blocks on the end table and couldn't reach it, held onto the table to get to it and pulled the whole thing down.  I'm glad they were ok!  But I was/am really sad that our lamp is broken...shattered.  After I swept it up and regrouped, I went to Anya, who was still crying.  I held her and told her I love her more than I loved that lamp or any other thing, that I will always love her, and that I forgive her.  It was an accident, with a little bit of disobedience (she was told not to be playing under that table)...but I know she understood it made me sad, and was sorry and sad about it too.
Since then, God is helping me put the pieces together between my head, heart, and hands.  He is bringing brokenness where I have held on to so much pride.  I pride myself on being able to multitask.  On being able to juggle a lot of roles and responsibilities.  I pride myself on completing tasks and being driven to get through the next 10 before I even celebrate the accomplishment of the first one.  I pride myself on still being involved in "ministry" on campus while being a mom.  I pride myself on a lot of things and I have a lot of pride.  Pride and self focus seem to go together (big surprise), and is the opposite of brokenness and humility.  Tonight I finally realized what I've been feeling and what's been happening since we've been home, and that is...I can't do it all.  I just can't get on the ball.  I'm not on top of everything.  In fact, I feel like I keep trying to get it together, get caught up and get back to "normal" (being in control and balancing everything nicely), and just can't seem to get there.  I've unpacked and settled the home for closure.  I've gotten my 2013 calendar and written important events in it for the entire year to feel a sense of control.  I've balanced the checkbook.  I've sorted, organized, purged material possessions, gotten together with friends, caught up on this blog, and tried to make every day a productive day.  But I haven't felt peace, rest, satisfaction or fulfillment.  Instead, I've felt overwhelmed, burdened, tired, like a failure, guilty, and critical of others.  Of course I feel all of those things...because I am living out of my own power and under my own standard.  I'm making it all about me!  And I am writing to admit I DO NOT HAVE IT ALL TOGETHER, AND NEVER WILL.  My name is Mia, and I WILL let you down.  Praise God that He sent Jesus...and we don't have to do it all perfectly.  He knows I don't have it all together, and definitely sees where I fall short...but loves me and steps in to forgive and carry the burden.  The "default" lie I believe is "if I don't do it, it won't get done".  Really what I'm believing is "If i don't do it, it won't get done the way I want it done (pride=my way is the best way), or when i want it done.  Pride!  Yuck!  I'm disgusted at myself!  But praise God that He won't let me continue on that road.  He has brought brokenness.  In brokenness, there is repentance, rest, a lightened load, peace, a sense of security, and freedom from guilt.  Just as my lamp broke, He is bringing brokenness in the areas I once felt "on top" of.  I don't have the capacity.  I can't do it all.  And I'm not in control.  God does, can, and Is.

The night of the broken lamp incident, Christian's parents were with the girls while we were at a wedding.  Anya looked up at Nana and said "I broke Mommy's lamp."  Nana said "I know, Sweetie".  Anya: "Does God still love me?"  Nana: "Yes!  He will always love you, no matter what!  He loves you very much."  I feel much like I'm in Anya's shoes, crawling up into my Heavenly Father's lap saying "I am prideful and trying to do it all on my own."  God:  "I know, Sweetie"  Me: "I'm so sorry, will you please forgive me?"  God "I already did.  I love you no matter what you do.  You will always be my daughter.  Mia, you are irreplaceable."

Getting back in the swing of life in America

We are finally unpacked and feeling more settled!  The word I used most often in December to answer the question "How are you?" was overwhelmed.  We were packing, unpacking, repacking, living out of our suitcases, unpacking, and repacking again most of the time.  We moved into the house we are renting on December 13th.  I think the main thing that overwhelmed me was the sheer volume of all of our "stuff".  Coming from the context of our little apartment and exposure to such extreme poverty and need in the townships, to trying to figure out where to put what felt like massive piles of boxes, toys and furniture was almost paralyzing.  I literally wanted to cry.  It was kind of unexpected culture shock.  I thought it would be fun and exciting to see all of our stuff after having it in storage for almost 2 years!  But instead, it felt burdensome.  And since we didn't have time to fully unpack before the Christmas celebrations and travels began, being at "home" was not yet restful.  Although it was overwhelming, we were so blessed by friends and family who helped us move, unpack, get us connected to Lily's school, and feel welcomed.  The love and grace in the phone calls and help were overwhelming in themselves (in a good way!).  And we are so blessed to have a house to rent.  It's been a perfect fit!  The kids enjoy riding their bikes outside on the back patio, we have plenty of space, and we are a 10 minute walk to Lily's school.  Huge praise!
The weekend we moved into our house, we had an early Christmas celebration with the Rainbolts, which was fun!  The girls especially enjoyed playing with Bobby and Alexandra's dog. Oakley!

We made it to Nebraska for a quick turn around visit with Christian's Grandpa and Grandma Stricker, and celebrated Grandma's belated 85th birthday.  And then we had a few days to continue to unpack, do some Christmas shopping, wrap presents, and repack, and then we headed to Kansas City for a week to meet my new niece (yay!) and celebrate Christmas (and Christian's birthday) with my immediate and extended Lucas family.  After the 48 hours of travel home from South Africa, the 10 hour drive through Kansas didn't seem too bad.  The DVD player helped:).  We had a nice visit with my Grandpa VanKooten (92) in Concordia, KS over Christmas, and after stopping through my parents house in Goodland we made it home.  By the last few hours of the trip, Anya started crying and saying "I can't sit here anymore!".  It has felt like a lot of sitting and traveling!  But such a blessing to be home with our wonderful families!

The Lucas Family

My sister, Cortney, and niece, Camille Bryn (born Oct 26, 2012)

Ouma and Grandpa Jack with the grandkids

We returned home December 26th, did laundry, repacked and moved into the hotel in Denver for Denver Christmas Conference (9 days).  We had our Stint debrief conference at the same time as DCC, which was really good.  The girls enjoyed time with their Cru friends, and the fun things about living in a hotel:).  The debrief conference gave us time to stop the craziness and process our year and emotions.  We each "mapped" out our year in Cape Town and had 15 minutes to share it with our team.  Then there was time for others to reflect back any patterns seen or thoughts they had about what we shared.  One facilitator said a word picture of a gift came to mind when I shared.  A gift that as you keep unwrapping it, contains other gifts inside.  It really is a great picture of the year.  It was a gift within a gift, and as time goes on, it will continue to be that in our lives...in the many ways the Lord blessed and impacted our lives through South Africa.  The debrief conference gave us a sense of closure with our team, and with our year.  And I am entering 2013 with the gift that will keep on giving...the dear friends we made in Cape Town, and the experiences that molded and changed us into the people and family we are today.
We went to visit Lily's school in December when the kids were in class...but she DID NOT want to go in.  We made it to the entryway of the school, and she was pretty upset.  But when I stopped to think about why, it made sense.  I was asking her to walk into a class room of kids who will all turn their attention to her, the "new girl coming from a year in South Africa", and being singled out with attention is pretty much her worse nightmare!  So, we decided it was best to come back to see the classroom on the teacher workday the day before school started in Jan.  Lily has a great teacher, Mrs Lamb, and two friends in her class, which made all the difference!  Lily was fine when we got to school the first day...until the bell rang.  Then fear won out and she clung to me for dear life and cried.  The school counselor gently pulled her off of me and closed the door.  We prayed for her all morning, and when I picked her up, she was all smiles!  She liked it!  That night we were sharing our "Happys" for the day, and Lily said hers was school!  This was significant, not only because she was so worried and fearful about school, but because she also had gotten a new bike that day, and school won!  Praise God!  Ever since then I just drop her off, and she is comfortable and fine.  She's really enjoying school!

After Lily's first day of Kindergarten with her new bike.

I think the "honeymoon" stage of being home has worn off a bit though.  The other night at dinner I told Lily and Anya some friends were coming over to play, and Lily burst into tears and said "I thought you were going to say Therese was coming over!"  Therese is her best friend from school in South Africa, and she has really missed her.  She cried for a good 20 minutes.  I realized then that she hadn't really "mourned" leaving until that point.  She didn't cry when we left.  But now it is beginning to sink in that we aren't going back.  Just that day Anya said, randomly, in the car "Mom, I miss Africa."  I asked her what she misses, and she said "Everything".  :)  I think many of Anya's first memories will be  in South Africa.   So, we've watched videos and looked at pictures and reminisced.  They bounce back quickly from their sad moments, but can see that they are in transition.
I'm glad to be feeling more like myself again.  After feeling overwhelmed and a step behind throughout December, January has brought time to unpack and catch up with friends and the looming "to do" list.  My dear friend and discipler from college, Leigh Ann, came for a visit last week, which was fun!  And we're gearing up for the start of the semester Tuesday.  Fort Collins and our staff team feel like "home" and we feel welcome and blessed by so many here.  I've almost been taken off guard by the intentional care, prayers, and love we've received by our family and friends...so grateful!  I want to be that kind of friend...and I am starting to feel like I am getting out of survival mode and can start thinking of others again!:)  Whew!